The Death Next Door

Death can be a difficult time for all of us, but especially children, for whom it is often a new and unfamiliar experience. In The Death Next Door, Isaac's good friend and neighbor, Mr. Miller, dies after being diagnosed with cancer. Although this is difficult for Isaac, he is allowed to participate in his own grieving process, as well as publicly mourn the death of his friend. In the end, he devises a special farewell tribute to Mr. Miller, who taught him about some of the magic in nature.

The purpose of this story and activity book is to help the child integrate the story of Isaac with his/her own experiences involving death. It is designed to be completed primarily by the child, with close help from a trusted grown-up. The hope is that by presenting the tale of Isaac, a young child sharing his experiences with the death of someone close, your child will be able to process what it's like for him/her in a less threatening manner by discussing some of the feelings that Isaac might be dealing with. In other words, the child can process his/her grief through the fictional character Isaac.

Please don't think your child needs to participate in each mourning event presented in the text (visitation, funeral, etc.). Instead s/he should be given information about these activities beforehand, and allowed to make his/her own decisions about attending them. If the child does choose to participate in any of these events, s/he will need the help of a trusted grown-up who is willing to offer both information and support. Further, alternative plans should be in place when a child chooses to attend a particular mourning event, but is unable to stay throughout or wants to leave early. Remember, children generally strive to gain the most complete understanding of events that transpire. When not provided information, or not allowed to participate in the formal grieving process, they frequently fill in any gaps in their understanding based on what they do know, believe, or have experienced, which may be somewhat inaccurate.

Each page of text (odd numbered pages) includes two versions of the story. The top portion of the text is most appropriate for 6 to 10+ year-olds, while the bottom portion of the text (below the bold line) is somewhat simplified and condensed, and therefore designed more for the 4 to 5 year-old child. The child's developmental level should also be considered when determining which version of the text is most appropriate for use with them.

Adjacent to each page of text is an activity for the child to complete to further help integrate the story of Isaac into his/her own experiences. These appear on the even numbered pages. The beginning activities are relatively safe, such as listing things the child enjoys collecting, in hopes of establishing rapport with Isaac. As the story progresses, however, more difficult topics are presented in the activity section, such as what the child thinks or feels about death. There are, however, some safer activities integrated throughout the activity section, so as not to overwhelm the child.

It is recommended that the child's participation in each activity be completely voluntary. There are certain activities which request the child share his/her work, thoughts, or feelings with a grown-up they trust. You may also need to help the child transcribe his/her thoughts and feelings in these sections, depending on their vocabulary and writing abilities. Overall, the activity book is designed to serve as a springboard, facilitating conversation to promote greater understanding. Also at this time, you will have the opportunity to "customize" the child's comprehension of death to fit his/her specific cultural or religious values and beliefs. When asked questions by the child, it is most important to answer him/her honestly and directly, normalize feelings, be supportive, and encourage their own grieving process. The emphasis of the activity section is on feelings identification, both through the character in the story, and directly with the child.

Once completed, it is advisable to save The Death Next Door for future reference and enhanced learning for a child who may experience death in the future. In this case, s/he may benefit from reviewing their work regarding a previous death, and from that, gain knowledge that through grieving comes healing. Further, if a child chooses to skip any activities as s/he initially works through the book, s/he may later feel more comfortable, and therefore finish any incomplete sections.

Remember, your ability to be honest and model appropriate reactions/responses to death is integral to how the child works through his/her grief. Further, in order to be most available for your child, you must also have done your own grief work.